My Story

I grew up in a deeply unstable and dysfunctional home. As the oldest of four children, I carried responsibilities that were far beyond what a child should have to bear. At thirteen years old, I started working to help support my family. We moved constantly—sometimes once or twice a year—which meant I was almost always the new kid at school. By the time I graduated, I had attended ten different high schools. Many of those moves were across the country and were connected to my mother’s mental illness.

Life at home was filled with tension, conflict, and unpredictability. During those years, I experienced neglect, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and sexual abuse at the hands of a step-grandfather when I was eight years old. I was also exposed to pornography at a young age through my father, and those experiences followed me into my teenage years, shaping beliefs and behaviors that I would struggle with for decades.

Before my senior year of college, I married my college sweetheart after only six months of dating. I truly believed I was leaving my past behind. But only three months into our marriage, my old behaviors resurfaced. What I thought I had overcome was still very much alive beneath the surface. My addiction continued for many years and followed me well into my forties, ultimately leading to my wife divorcing me.

That season became one of the darkest times of my life. After several days of seriously considering suicide, I attended a church service where I had a profound encounter with Jesus. In that moment, God met me in my brokenness and began healing wounds that had been buried since childhood. It was more than an emotional experience—it was the beginning of real transformation. Over the next eighteen months, my ex-wife saw genuine changes in my life and behavior. Eventually, she chose to remarry me.

A mentor later shared something with me that changed my understanding of recovery. He told me that while I had experienced significant emotional healing, I had never truly addressed my addiction. That insight led me into deeper recovery work with other men who had faced similar struggles.

Through that process, I came to understand that my addiction was never really about sex. At its core, it was about much deeper issues—control, power, ego, and an attempt to numb pain that I didn’t know how to face. Growing up, I had very little control over my circumstances, and much of my life became an unhealthy effort to gain the power and significance I felt I lacked. Understanding those roots became a critical part of my healing.